Imperfect and loving it, say celeb moms – Times of India

A bunch of celebrity mothers have been challenging the very notion of motherhood in all its self-sacrificing glory, to turn the idea of text-book perfection on its head. Women such as Kareena Kapoor Khan, Tahira Kashyap Khurrana, Kalki Koechlin, Neha Dhupia, Sameera Reddy and Lakshmi Manchu have been using their social media currency and public profiles to talk about the non-glamourous part of motherhood — postpartum blues, breastfeeding challenges, body-image issues and guilt. We take a look at how these new-age mums are steering this all-important conversation about rescuing motherhood from the clutches of expectations and the pressures of scoring a 10/10 in every little-big parenting task that comes their way.

‘Happy moms raise happy kids’
Talking about the toughest aspect of motherhood, Neha Dhupia, actress, anchor and a mother of two, says, “The most challenging part is time management and dealing with mom guilt. I don’t think raising kids is hard but taking time off for your things and then coming back to them can sometimes be a little disheartening. During both my pregnancies, it was the fourth trimester that was mentally as well as emotionally draining.” Neha thanks social media for giving women a platform to share their experiences. “The more people talk, the more awareness they create. I believe I need to use my voice as a celebrity to amplify the conversation around breastfeeding, body changes, postpartum depression, and take it in the right direction. I am still going through postpartum phases. By using my voice in the most encouraging way, I can make other mothers believe that we, too, go through the same things.” Neha feels is unfair to judge a mother who makes her own choices. “A happy mom who looks after herself and who is not overburdened by this tag of a perfect mom, will raise happy children,” she says.

‘Not perfect, but a happy one’
Sameera Reddy in the past has spoken about how she had dropped off the radar after her first pregnancy because she suffered postpartum depression triggered by body image issues. However, things changed after Sameera had her second child. “Everyone had an opinion on how I didn’t seem in my element and what they felt was a perfect image of me. Someone shot a picture of me at the airport and put it on social media, and so many people commented on how fat I looked. I was anxious and loathed myself. But it was a turning point for me. Today, I won’t allow judgements and mean commentary,” she says, adding how she swears by “real motherhood.” Talking about her humourous social media posts that help her navigate the ups and downs of

parenting, she says, “I learnt everything on the job, and I am still learning. I am far from perfect. But I am a happy mom, and that is what truly matters.”

‘Speaking up always helps’
Telugu actor-producer Lakshmi Manchu, says, “No matter what, you are never really prepared for motherhood. There is a huge gap between expectations and reality.” She makes a strong case also for adoptive mothers. “They too go through many ups and downs. Speaking up helps build a community of like-minded women. The idea of a perfect mommy is changing,” she says.


‘I am more than a mother’

Bengali-Kannada actress Priyanka Trivedi, a mother of two, says motherhood is the “most beautiful but toughest job.” “No woman should try to become a perfect mom,” she says. “Once I was shooting in Hyderabad when my daughter caught a high fever. Though I rushed back home, I did not let the feeling of guilt creep in by telling myself that I have a life other than just being a mother. I got married and became a mother very early in life and was judged for my physical appearance. But with time, I have learnt to be a happy mom rather than a perfect one,” she says.

‘I advise new mothers to take one day at a time’
“There are many reasons why women suffer from postpartum depression. From not feeling like their old selves to anger, a sense of guilt, the fear that they may not be able to look after the child and themselves at the same time – it ranges from the blues to gloom. The causes for feeling like this can be genetic or it can also be because they lacked support during the pregnancy, had a traumatic marriage, had a bad experience during childbirth, poor nutrition, hormonal issues and more. I advise new mothers to take one day at a time and seek help as and when required. It’s also important for families to understand that every pregnancy and journey of motherhood is different. It should be cherished for being that.”

— Dr Harish Shetty, psychiatrist

Not a supermom, so what?

“‘I am going to be a great mom!’ say most mothers before their delivery. And once the baby arrives into this world, when you’ve realised that the diapers have run out in the middle of the night, or when the breast pump won’t work, or when dark circles ring your eyes because your baby won’t sleep at night or when you find yourself in a room, crying for no apparent reason, it’s natural to suddenly feel—even momentarily — that you may not be such a great mom after all.”

– Esha Deol in her book Amma Mia


“I would not have managed working without the help that I have. I am not a robot or a supermom and there’s no crown for being the best mother in the world. Every mother’s journey is different; you want to work, you need help, there is nothing wrong with it.”

– Kareena Kapoor Khan, in an interview to a website


“The thing is, you end up starting from zero all over again (after giving birth). You find out who you really are, and also question your life, priorities, and what you want… It’s the hardest job I’ve ever done… to pick up the pieces of who I am, and to still want to be with my child. But also, knowing how to step away is really important.”

– Kalki Koechlin to a magazine